Flowing

Well as I see my life right now it looks like a river with different paths it has carved into rock and sand. So far my life has meandered around small hills, washed over sandbanks and taken the occasional sharp bend. One of these latest sharp bends that I have realized has been taking place over the last few months. I moved out to Minnesota about a year ago and so far it’s been a; fun, hot, humid, freezing, and overall a painfully good time! I’ve learned a lot about myself and have been able to see a little bit of how much I really don’t know myself, a thing which I’ve been slowly trying to change. I live pretty far away from my immediate family. My brother is fighting in Afghanistan in the 82^nd airborne division; my oldest sister is back in Colorado and is married I also have another sister that lives in Florida. All In all it makes for numerous phone calls and some occasional hard good byes after seeing one another. The question that I have been asking myself is “how does this affect me”?

It’s hard to be separated from the family that I’ve grown up with, it’s something that keeps me up at night and it makes me sad. I feel like I’m drifting away from my family and the relationships that I once had have changed. The change is both good and bad, but in the end they are different from the bonds we had growing up. I have grown up and my perspective has done the same, I sometimes miss my fantasy filled dreams about my brother being the leader of the evil pirates as I defended the Island outpost made from Legos. At the same time I am glad to be where I am and happy that the time has passed. It makes me feel small.
I have also realized another aspect of this “bend” in my life and that is time will go on. However mundane and simple it may sound, time still goes on. It is something that can be relied upon to continue. I wonder how I will change as time passes and I wonder what my relationships will look like in the future. I don’t know these answers and it gives me comfort in not knowing them. I feel fragile when I look at the world, I feel small and I enjoy it. I enjoy knowing that I exist and that I could die tomorrow or live to be one hundred and never know it. I enjoy not knowing what paths the relationships in my life might take; it profits me nothing if I worry about it anyway.