4 a.m thoughts

I’ve been rather depressed this last week, it’s been really just from thinking about a past relationship that I had. It drives me nuts thinking about it, I’ve lost my head. I reason to myself to understand that all of the bad things that happened during the relationshop where nothing. I argue against my decision of breaking up with her and moving on, I protest for another chance with her in my mind. I’m my worst enemy right now, I try to make myself turn tail and run back to a relationship that doesn’t even exist anymore. During one of my lower points I tried to call her, she didn’t answer and I think she’s blocked calls from my cell phone. You think I’d get a freaking clue……not really; she still is in my head. Why do I empower her memory to torture myself, all in all I’m just punishing myself because I got hurt in that relationship. Does that even make sense….. nope of course not. I pride myself in my thought processes and how I deal with everyday situations, but this whole situation is just sad on my part. I’ve made a rather funny announcement to some of my family members, basically I stated that I could be single for the rest of my life and I said it with a confident tone, posture and everything needed to be believable. It’s kind of like a sunken ship saying it will be out on the ocean forever. It’s true but not in a good way, I feel like I could be single for the rest of my life because I’m damaged goods and I’m complaining about it. Oh and just to settle it I hope that I’m not single for the rest of my life because if my x was the best thing that happened to me in this life time, then the best just wasn’t worth it.