In The Shadows
The pain of the past always lurks, the memories, the regrets never leave. The needs and the wants may change but in the end we still have needs and wants. The shadows of a past relationship have overcast itself upon my life, this has not happened by some random act of events but rather by my own thoughts taking me there. I allow myself to be in this state of darkness and I think I enjoy it in some sick way. The aftermath of the self destruction inside cannot be seen by anyone else but me although the destruction and self punishment is far greater than any physical pain. This has only cemented my thoughts in that our greatest possible enemy is only ourselves because in the end who else allows your thoughts to drift into such deepened states of depression. One of the greatest fears that I have is not being able to find something greater than that which I have let go and to imagine something greater than the lost is something I cannot do right now.
posted by Jeffrey at 5:11 PM
3 Comments:
Wow.
Well, hang in there Jeff, there's always something Greater than your pain, and something Deeper than the lowest depths of your experiences. It's the finding it that can be difficult.
Keep on rollin'.
C.S. Lewis in his book "Mere Christianity" talks about offering a child from the inner city a chance to go to the beach. The child is playing in the mud and can't imagine what the beach could be like, so refuses. He is content to stay in his mud hole because he is incapable of comprehending the beach.
You are taking steps to understand what the beach means. It is a struggle, but so worth it. Also, the pain does go away. It becomes integrated into your identity, but it ceases to cause more pain. I think of it as a scar. You can see it, you can tell the story, but other than the tissue not growing back the same as the other skin, the lumps and bumps, it is not creating pain. Hang in there. It will happen for you if you continue to face it.
Wow...deep reflections...you're in touch with your soul...what better then something that has eternal implications...thank you
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